If I Should Die Before I Wake
by kissofavampirexo
Summary: Plagued by nightmares and cursed with brilliance,Isabella has never led a normal life.By night,it stalks her,eyes glowing crimson,fangs glistening with a sickening brilliance in the darkness.By day,the eyes watch her,stalk her,chill her. M for mature!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everybody, I'm just letting you know now that I LOVE reviews! The more I get the faster I update. I won't be too pushy for the first few chapters, seeing as it'll start out kind of short. But I can promise you, I have a plot line that's gonna blow your mind! Got any theories? Review! Want a hint? Review! Confused? Review! Want something in the story? REVIEW! Get the hint? haha I really hope so!**

**Note: This fic is rated M because it is a really dark and angsty fic. If you can't handle any aspects of angst (suicide, cutting, self-loathing, etc.) then don't read!**

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_Blackness surrounded her. She couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't hear. And then she could. She sighed in relief, her fists uncurling and her heartbeat slowly returning to normal. Stiffening as her eyes trained on the sight in front of her, she wished the darkness was back. The darkness was better any day. Black was warmer than the cold red orbs piercing her with fear. She opened her mouth to scream, and nothing came out. Looking for anything, any signal to reassure her that this was just a joke, her imagination running wild with her again. A cold, white hand reached out, brushing her cheek. "Beautiful." It said, its voice gravelly and rough, tinted with lust and..... hunger. Suddenly, another flash of white appeared, illuminated by the moonlight she still couldn't see. It had also been choked out by the darkness. Everywhere, darkness. Cold darkness, because she knew it was hiding the thing that was making the hairs on the back of her neck prickle, and goosebumps erupt all over her body. This nightmare was truly never going to end. It was going to finish her here. This was the end. Suddenly, it was back, its long white fingers brushing slowly through her hair, calming her. She felt more prickling, and realized it wasn't her hair this time. Its teeth brushed her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone, biting her softly. Pain blossomed from the areas it had touched, dying almost as soon as it came alive. It hovered in front of her as she opened her eyes, afraid to look. The eyes were no longer as cold, but more like fire, inexplicably warming her. She smiled, no longer afraid. "Maybe I'll turn out like one of the princesses in the books daddy reads to me," she thought, "with a prince to protect me. Maybe it'll all be okay..." A splintering crash __shattered her thoughts. She could see the moon again, and the light was blindingly painful. A dark silhouette appeared in front of the moon, relieving her pain momentarily. It lunged towards her, and in that fleeting moment she froze, trapping the memory in her mind forever. Eyes, bright red, hovering above a mouth emitting a snarl so primitive that it could be described only as something from a horror movie, or an Animal Planet documentary. Slowly, her prince and the scary thing moved in a circle, tense, eyes cold, quivering with anticipation as each waited for the other to make a move. It was horrifying, it was fascinating. Her legs unlocked, only to pull her closer to the fight. The thing glanced swiftly at her and pounced. She screamed as it hit her prince, snarling. Deftly, he pushed the thing off, slamming it into a concrete pole, then against a panel of glass. With a tinkling sound, the glass rained down, coming to rest in silence not a second later on the floor. It was quiet. It was too quiet. Her prince had disappeared. She sat on the floor and began to cry, tears running silently down her face, touching every spot her prince had, and she hoped she would see him again. _

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_She sat there for a while, curled in a ball, cold and alone with only memories of her prince left. Glass, like shards of ice, littered the floor around her, almost like confetti gone horribly wrong. The gaping hole in the side of the building let the moon in again. For the second time that night, she wished for darkness. What had just happened? Was this why everyone always told her fairy talkes couldn't happen? Because it just wasn't realistic to think that everything could go okay? Unfortunately she was starting to believe it. She was going to die here, with nobody left. Her mom and dad were back home, they had no clue she wandered away. And as for her prince... she sighed. He wasn't coming back. Nobody was. She was determined to go out with a bang. Wincing as she got up, she surveyed the damage. A few cuts on her arms from the glass, and a single droplet of blood on the collar of her new coat. "At least mommy can't get mad at me for getting my new coat dirty..." she thought, trying to be optimistic. She dusted herself off, rebraided her hair, and set to work trying to remember her prince. She said everything aloud, repeating it. She couldn't forget him. She wouldn't. Using the small shards of glass, she cleared a large spot and set to work. Reds, blues, silvers, greens, golds, every color imaginable lay in the wreckage around her. She tiptoed around, occasionally picking up a bit of this or a bit of that, careful not to let any of the sharp parts cut her finger. She came upon a rather large piece that had managed not to splinter. The moon was reflected, as was the sky, littered with stars. The beauty was a sight to behold. "My last night sky..." she realized. The cold was seeping into her bones, her fingers numb from working. This had to be finished first. Working quicker still, she assembled her pieces in piles on the floor, being sure to get all of the pieces out of her pockets. As she pulled another rather large piece out, she saw her reflection for a mere second. She gasped, whirling around frantically to look behind her. "Silly me, it was just my imagination. Nothing can hurt me now." Another piece of glass crunched under her foot and she jumped, dropping the shard from her hand. As if in slow motion, the shard glided as easily as water past her skin, leaving a pain like a rather large papercut. Looking down, she saw beads of crimson begin to appear on her skin, slowly at first, and she admired them. "Like a bracelet" she realized. Suddenly, it came harder, flowing in ruby rivers down her fingertips, landing on the crude weapon. She sat there, fascinated, watching the glass as the blood dried onto it, making almost a pattern. She left it to dry, picking up a particularly pretty teal shard as she went back to her work._

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_About 3 hours later, or so she guessed, she was done. Stepping back to admire her handiwork, she smiled a grim smile. She couldn't feel her fingers or her ears. It just needed one thing, and then she could be at peace. Picking up another large shard of glass, she slowly sliced the tips of three of her fingers. As the blood flowed steadily, she put them to the floor, writing her full name in her neatest cursive, grimacing as finer shards cut deeper into the wounds, embedding themselves into her skin. The moon, as if to enhance her big finale, moved between two large oak trees, sending a single strip of light bouncing off of the blood, making it glitter, making it shine. There was blood everywhere. It was all hers. Looking back once more, she saw the beauty of her creation, smiled, picked up the shard she was determined to keep, made sure it was dry, and stuck it in her pocket. Laying down on the cold floor, her breath became labored and colors danced and swam in front of her eyes. She knew death would come swiftly. She had no more tears and her work was done. At least all she had to do was wait. _

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_A pair of cold, white arms wrapped around her from behind, humming softly as they wrapped her in a blanket. She knew exactly what it was. Her angel of death. This was it, she could rest. She had met her prince and left her mark on the world. "You can sleep now" the angel said. Sighing contentedly, she fell asleep as the soft rocking of his movements reassured her. "I will never leave you." he whispered in her ear, and though his voice now sounded different, she couldn't care any less. The melody of his song surrounded her, enveloped her, kept the horrors at bay, the darkness. Exhausted, her eyes fluttered closed. The last she remembered was the haunting sound of his lullaby. _

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**So who thinks they know what's going on? I'd love to know your theories! I anticipate this story to go on for about 30 chapters, but it could be a lot longer too. HIT ME UP LOVELY READERS! 3333**


	2. Moonlight Sonata

**A/n. Hey everyone! Thanks in advance for reading my story! I know updates have been really slow, I just have a problem with writing when my family is around (I can never get any peace!) but thanks to a dog training class and a playgroup, I will have Tuesdays and Thursdays to myself! So, hopefully, I will be able to update sooner now. The other problem is that my tennis team has decided to start practices really early (1st of April to be specific), so I'll have that occupying my time a few nights a week. Other than that, I am all yours, lovely readers! I WANT REVIEWS! IDEAS! ANYTHING THAT YOU ARE FEELING ABOUT THE STORY! So thanks again, and remember, review review review!!**

Chapter 2- Moonlight Sonata

Someone screamed her name in the distance as a cold white hand peeled her fingers off, one by one. Slowly she slipped from its grasp and fell into the darkness below, tumbling in the foggy air. The voice got louder, and as she hit the bottom of the black abyss, her eyes jolted open.

"Bella!" Charlie screamed frantically, holding her arm and shaking her from the horrors that awaited her every night. The haze over her eyes dissolved as she blinked a few times, and she looked around, not knowing where she was for a moment. A thin sheen of sweat had dampened her sheets, her pajamas, and her skin. She was clammy and cold, wrapped as she was in the blankets. She felt like.... a corpse. She lifted her hands, shaking. They appeared as white as the hand in her vision, and she shuddered. Charlie's large bald head obscured her vision suddenly.

"Bella, honey, are you okay? You were screaming, you wouldn't wake up, I tried yelling but it was like you couldn't hear me..." Charlie sputtered, shaking like her, looking at her with concern. With her luck, the fright she had just given him would send him into cardiac arrest.

"Charlie, calm down, I'm okay. It was just a bad dream, it happens a lot. You don't have to worry about me, I'm not really hurt." Her voice was hoarse, probably from all the screaming. He gave her a strange look and she looked back suspiciously. Charlie was showing way more emotion than necessary....

"Bella, you have gouges all over your arms. Let me go get some water and a cloth." He left. She raiser her arms and pushed herself up, glancing at the rivets of blood running down her arms. This couldn't be happening. She glanced at the blood again. So red, so warm. Her heart crawled with sickening desire. It had been so long, surely Charlie didn't know.... What was the harm? Flashes of her mom, her therapist, her friend flashed in her mind's eye. She couldn't allow herself to fall back into the void again. But how would they know? Would they care? They had all left, long ago. It was pointless to even care.

"Charlie, I'm just gonna take a shower, I'll wash them, don't worry" Bella called out of doorway, keeping the facecloth closed tightly in her fist. Hearing a mumbled approval, she ran quickly into the small bathroom. She clutched the sink ledge tightly as she saw her face in the mirror and realized what she was about to do. Excitement bubbled up out of her stomach. The shard of glass from so many years ago glinted sickeningly, blood still dotting its surface. The sharpest point called to her. Letting go of the sink, she grasped it, the duller edges cutting gently into her palm. Leg bared, she reached down, pressing the tip gently into her skin, then harder, smiling slightly at the bead of blood that appeared almost instantly. She drew it towards her, putting more pressure. Blood ran out in rivers, making the 3 inch cut seen endless. It dripped off of her leg and into the bottom of the tub, hitting the white porcelain, turning it red. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was okay.

Wrapping the shard back into the facecloth, she got gingerly into the shower, running the burning hot water over her newest wound. In the light reflected off of the white surrounding her, the scars from past situations appeared more boldly. 40 or 50 on her calves and thighs, serving as reminders, punishments, rewards. She ran her hand over them lovingly, feeling the raised ones press against her fingertips slightly. This is bliss.

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Her pants rubbed against the latest cut on her leg, chafing uncomfortably. She had forgotten this was her first day at the new school. It would be the same, she was sure of it. Immediately upon arrival, she would be shunned as an outcast, all because of a rumor that had gotten there before she had. She would realize that there was no point in anything, fall back onto her old ways, and be transferred when Charlie or the nurse found the scars. The way her life had always been. It was almost sad just how predictable everything had gotten. Her centuries old truck lurched to a halt, groaning slightly as it settled on its tires. She jumped out, grabbed her bag, and looked around. It was as if every eye was trained on her. She felt like they could see the wounds, hear her thoughts, and she wanted nothing but to curl up into a ball and hide her face from the world. However, a particular group of people caught her eye, and she couldn't help but stare. Their skin was pale white, identical, and frightening. Just like the skin from her nightmare that morning. Forks truly was her own personal hell. She would have to be reminded of that every day, for the next two years. A sudden gust of wind ruffled her hair, swirling around her. One of the "ghosts" turned around quickly, gasping slightly. Their eyes met, and she knew she had seen them before. Could it be....? Recalling her earliest memory, the eyes she had been thinking of were red. Still, the look, the glint in them was unforgettable. Framed by golden brown eyelashes that made her curse her own heredity, he knew whose they were. Was it possible? Had her prince finally reappeared?

**Ahaha I know you probably all know where I'm going with this but then again, maybe you don't! Hit me up, I want reviews people! I'll try to update on Tuesday or Thursday like I said, so expect some consistency from now on! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I can't say it enough! REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Why hello again my lovely readers! You are few but good! This chapter is dedicated exclusively to my FIRST TWO STORY REVIEWERS!!! The second review I got at 8 in the morning and was so amped up that I actually ran to my computer after doing a little happy dance! Aha just a view into my personal life for ya! So, I officially love imhislover22 & Taybaskt22 !!!!!!!! One of the comments I got also said that my story is a little bit confusing. I know it's confusing right now and it might take a little bit of time to develop the story but you will find out what is going on eventually! If you have any questions, review or message and I'll get back to you as long as it's not going to spoil the story! Which brings me back to......REVIEW! You heard my reaction to the first 2, if you want it updated you gotta REVIEW!**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!**

**-with love, your writer!!!**

**a/n- everyone who has been following this, I am so sorry it took this long to get this chapter out. Since I posted the last chapter, my schedule has been nothing but packed. I'm really into the theatre program at my school and we had 5 hour rehearsals nearly every day until the performance in June. Then I had finals, a two week trip in the summer and work, blah blah blah yea i'm making excuses but i'm redeveloping the ideas I had originally for this story. Enjoy!**

**EPOV**

It was her. Alice had been right. Even she had seen it coming. And yet I never expected a damn thing. I turned around slowly, trying to control my movements, not knowing what to anticipate. I was met with a pair of brown eyes. Unforgettable, and even more distinctive now that I wasn't blinded by my rage, my thirst. A flood of memories hit me and I gasped with the pain. Alice grabbed my hand comfortingly as I stood there frozen. Her plump, pink lips opened slightly in surprise as she looked at me.

"She recognizes me" I whispered to Alice, low enough that only she could hear. I desperately tried to get into her mind. I had to know everything she was thinking, everything she remembered from that night. All I heard was......nothing.

"Stinks being blind doesn't it?" Alice asked me softly. The rest of my family turned to me with concern in their eyes. Blind? It was unheard of for me.

"How did you-"

"I saw it coming. I saw it all coming. She's mistaken you for somebody else, the man who tried to kill her. James."

At the sound of his name Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and I snarled. He had been the one who, after being chased away from Bella, had moved on to kill two other girls living in the area. He was a maniac, a blood-hungry beast, and stopped at nothing to get what he wanted. Which meant-

"He's going to find her, isn't he? He's going to track her down and kill her and it'll be my fault when I can't save her like last time. I'll be responsible. She's going to fall right into his trap and-"

"Edward! Stop!" Jasper yelled as he put a hand on my shoulder, attempting to calm me. He looked at me with concern in his eyes. I hung my head shamefully.

"I'm sorry. I just can't be responsible for another tragedy. I can't do it. You guys have no idea what it's like to play god. No matter what, someone has to die for someone else to live. I had to choose. And now, James is just going to track her down and everything I did to save her will be shot to hell. Fuck, I knew since that day that I was in love with her, that I had to save her, from the world and from herself. James is going to ruin it. He'll be to blame, for her death and mine."

**A/N 2 Yes I know it's short and they probably will be for a while, but right now we're still just kind of seeing little blurbs of how their lives are going to be changed even though she barely remembers him.... REVIEW! Love, your author **


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